In what could be a prophetic discovery, researchers in Florence, Italy, have excavated a frescoed wall that bears a startling resemblance to accused UnitedHealthcare CEO killer Luigi Mangione, spurring theories of divine intervention among local residents, international historians, and Tumblr fangirls.
Dating back to approximately 1250 CE, the painting of a strikingly handsome figure with chiseled bone structure, thickset brows, and a dashing smile was uncovered in the basement of a Medieval church on Via Pistola. In his right hand, he holds an unfurled scroll that features the Latin words “Mora, Negare, Deponere” (“Delay, Deny, Depose”), while his left hand is poised in a proto-finger gun shape.
Although it predates the birth of the accused Gen-Z assassin by more than 750 years, archaeologist Mario Kartellini told Hyperallergic in an interview that the fresco’s resemblance to Mangione is “undeniable.”
“Eyebrows thicker than stromboli, a beauty spot like fresh polpette, jawline sharp enough to slay me … yes,” Kartellini said. “This is, without a doubt, one Luigi Mangione.”
The work was initially discovered by a monk who had retreated to the basement for his daily lunch break when he noticed a gap in the corner of the wall that revealed a concealed partition upon closer inspection.
Local Florentines and thirsty internet girlies alike celebrated the discovery on social media under trending hashtags #LiberaSanLuigi (#FreeSaintLuigi) and #AbbatteQuestoMuro (#TearDownThisWall). In light of the unearthed fresco, several hundred have also signed an online petition nominating Mangione to be canonized, which would be the first case of a living saint in the history of the Catholic Church.
“Nessuna cella di prigione o muro può trattenere le sue sopracciglia,” (“No prison cell or wall can hold back his eyebrows”), one user wrote on X, coupled with the sobbing emoji.